There’s no doubt about the importance of friendships – good friends make you feel supported, understood, and valued! However, not all friendships are positive. Some relationships can become “toxic”, leaving you feeling drained, unappreciated, or even hurt. Let’s go through the signs of toxic friendships and learn to set healthier boundaries to protect your mental health.

How Do I Know It’s Toxic?

A toxic friendship happens when there’s more harm done than good. There’s behaviours, patterns, or certain dynamics that are harmful, unhealthy, and emotionally draining. This often involves things like negativity or a lack of balance where you don’t feel like their equal. Some other characteristics of a toxic friendship are:

  • Criticism and judgement, which includes constantly putting you down, judging your choices, and taking jabs at your self-esteem
  • Manipulation, like using guilt or other tactics to get their way
  • Lack of support, which makes the relationship one-sided and leaves your needs and feelings ignored or dismissed. In other words, you’re always giving but they rarely reciprocate!
  • Disrespect, like crossing your boundaries or showing little regard for your comfort or well-being
  • Conflict, where they seem to be making remarks or doing things that cause unnecessary tension or arguments

Over time, these behaviours can seriously damage your self-esteem and mental health. You may feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells, drained of energy after hanging out with them, or even feel some relief when they’re not around. It’s important to remember that a true friendship should make you feel appreciated and supported. If it doesn’t, it’s okay to let go.

How Do I Address a Toxic Friendship?

The key is communication and boundaries. If you feel safe doing so, have an honest conversation with your friend to share how you have been feeling. Try using I-statements to do so effectively without involving any sense of blame. Be ready for some resistance too, especially if they don’t see their behaviour as a problem. 

If they push back or deny it, then it’s time to consider setting healthy boundaries. Boundaries are limits you set to protect your well-being. Healthy friendships respect them and toxic ones tend to cross them often. Try these steps to work towards building healthy boundaries:

  1. Know your limits: What are you willing to tolerate? What makes you uncomfortable? Reflect and make a list if you’re unsure!
  2. Be clear and direct: When communicating your boundaries, be specific. For example, say, “I need time to focus on myself and I’m not always available to talk”.
  3. Reinforce your boundaries: Here it’s about being consistent! If someone crosses a boundary, gently remind them. If it’s happening repeatedly, don’t compromise or make excuses. When others keep disregarding your needs, it may be time to reassess how healthy the friendship is.

When Do I Walk Away?

Sometimes, the healthiest thing to do is to end a toxic friendship. This can be hard, but it’s okay to prioritise having yourself feel happy and safe. After all, it’s not selfish to want to surround yourself with people who uplift and respect you. Remember, a true friend wants the best for you – and so should you.